Saturday, July 22, 2006
Hi
I must have been the lousiest friend in the group.
I deserved to be number 1, from the back.
I never had time to spend with you guys.
I hardly ever meet up with you guys.
Am I still remembered?
I don't know about you guys but I'm really tired.
I'm really tired of life.
Training. Yea, it's fine. I'm probably just the lousiest and more inconsistent?
Doubles? Would I still be in the school team?
I've never found my focus. Would I ever find it now?
Do you know I'm overweight?
THE ideal weight of someone who is my height is 50 kilograms.
I tipped the scales at 53kilograms after the holidays.
I was at 110 percentile of my heightweight ratio thingy.
That feeling sucked.
I've ran, and not ate as much and not snacked and ran somemore.
I lost 1.2 kilograms, probably the weight of water.
For two whole weeks, I'm still the same.
Not there yet.
Shit happens.
The guy that I liked which I thought he liked me too which happens to be in my class actually doesn't like it. I realised he was just somebody esle that wouldn't like me.
I was so afraid. So lonely. I thought I was never ever going to get attached. Never ever going to find someone. The desperation that filled me was beyond words.
Now, I think I'm going to be attached.
With my french accented maths teacher.
HAHAHAHA. WHAT A FUGGING (rubbish) SCANDAL.
So as I was trying to say, ..... I forget. Oh what the heck.
My grades are decent. Decently enough for a meet-the-parents meeting.
WHICH leads me back to the crappy relationship with my parents.
I've concluded...
My sister, in their eyes is the best.
I'll never be good enough for them in whatever I do.
It doesn't matter to them what I think but my headstrong sister pretty much gets away with it.
Secondary Two and failing almost everything.
Nothing is done except nagging.
Even I'm tired of listening to it.
Like the feeling you're never ever good enough? Like the feeling of knowing the school counsellor actually asked the badminton captain if I was
okay? Like the feeling of knowing your form teacher thinks so damn highly about you and you dont' know two hoots about two maths chapters that he has been teaching? Like it when your form teacher wants to talk to you personally about your mum's call?
I think my relationship with my parents would never be like how I imagined.
The worst ever thing happened today.
Anonymous is on my trail.
Just before i put ofnospecificsignificance.blogspot.com on a hiatus,
I had a very ... revealing entry.
It revealed my feelings for a guy.
An "anonymous" tagged me.
don't understand, dont try dont talk.Who are you to judge me?
Anonymous striked again.
He/she posted the address of my private blog.
One that I kept to remind myself of my sanity.
One that I kept to rant about that guy.
One that I kept to literaturised my memories.
SOMEONE actually found out.
I told no one about this private blog.
Absolutely no one at all.
My innermost, most intimate and personal insecurities potrayed to the whole world.
I can't accept that. People hate me.
How does it feel like to see your secrets on the net?
That person knows me, I can feel it. I wonder who is it.
Why am I typing this entry?
Because I know Michelle is pissed with me and the group might have wondered where have I died to?
Maybe not, maybe after you read this, you might think that OH ginger us just dramatising things and wanting attention. Loser.
Maybe you might think that Ginger needs help therefore she blogs, that's not true either.
I just want to inform you about why basically I have no time.
( I'm selected for OCIP too, which stands for overseas CIP. brillant.Brillantly busy)
Don't understand? Dont have to I guess. Just know that I still do think of you guys, in more ways than one. (:
I cannot predict how each of you guys will react but I'm really not looking for sympathy. I just want a peace of mind... to do PW and homework and tutorials and lectures. HAHAHAHAHA.
All the teachers I abhor are all of a particular race too. It's suprising how much an old woman can do.
BYE WORLD. CALL ME ANYTIME.
LOVEEEE.ginger (:
